Inspired by John Gottman's model, this test measures four behaviours that predict a couple's stability: the capacity for repair, and the three toxic "horsemen" — global criticism, contempt, silent withdrawal. In 40 years of research at the Gottman Love Lab, contempt predicts divorce with 93% accuracy.
Gottman's four horsemen
Attacking character rather than behaviour. "You're always late" instead of "Tonight you arrived late and it put me in a tough spot."
Sarcasm, eye-rolling, a sense of moral superiority. The most toxic horseman. The #1 predictor of divorce.
Counter-attack, refusal of responsibility, "yeah but you too". Blocks any repair.
Emotional shut-down, punishing silence during conflict. Often a protective reaction to physiological overload.
Gottman's antidotes
Criticism is replaced by a specific "I" complaint. Contempt is countered by an active culture of appreciation. Defensiveness gives way to taking even minimal partial responsibility. Stonewalling is managed through self-soothing: explicitly asking for a 20-30 minute break, then coming back.
The 5:1 rule
In stable couples there are, on average, 5 positive interactions for every 1 negative interaction. It isn't conflict that destroys couples — it's the absence of repair and positivity that wears them down.
The test is free, with no sign-up. Results and AI analysis with 3+ tests.
Frequently asked questions
Does having horsemen mean my couple is in danger?
No. Practically all couples use these behaviours at some point. The danger comes when they become chronic, especially contempt.
Can repair be learned?
Yes. The capacity for repair predicts stability better than the absence of conflict. Even clumsy attempts can be enough.
Does this test measure overall couple adjustment?
No. It focuses on specific behaviours during conflict (criticism, contempt, stonewalling, repair), inspired by Gottman's model — not on an overall adjustment score.